Life Goes On

(Originally published 06/04/2008)

I've told y'all a lot about my stroke and the almost two years I spent really working toward recovery and a reasonably normal life. Here are some things I've not mentioned as well as some things I've done since the stroke occurred.

* My recovery was not complete. I still have very little use of my left hand and arm and there's still some spasticity that only rears its ugly head when I get really nervous or stressed. (And it gets worse if someone who hasn't known me long or well asks, "What's the matter with you?") I can use it for a lot of things but not without concentration and determination and some creativity. My left leg is pretty good and I only limp if I'm really tired and I use a cane on the occasional bad days. The good news is that I have no blood pressure problems whatsoever. I'm normal and I have been since they got me stabilized. My BP only rises if I get stressed -- like when my present doc tries to get me to take them. I even had a perfectly normal EEG about fifteen years ago which my neurologist called weird.

* The cause of my stroke was never determined which, according to my neurosurgeon, is the case in about thirty percent of all cases. He said there could have been a blood clot that dissolved but many other things, e.g., stress, also could have caused it. Since then it's been determined that people who have had severe head or neck trauma quite frequently have a stroke years later which was probably was true in my case from the car accident I'd had nine years earlier. Not knowing the reason bothered me for a long time but one of my doctors finally pronounced that he'd have a stroke before I had another one.

* I developed a panic disorder after my stroke. Fortunately, there's medication that helps when I need it. Panic disorder is terrifying and manifests itself in strange ways. I spent an entire year where I was afraid to drive on the freeway. How did I cure it? I took a job as an outside sales rep and had to drive to Cleveland twice a week -- not a task for the faint of heart at the best of times. Panic attacks are weird; they strike when you least expect them -- like in the middle of Mass. Sometimes, if I suspect I might stress out, I take my meds ahead of time but I prefer not to take them at all as they are addictive.

* I've said here earlier that depression is one's worst enemy after a stroke and it's been a struggle for me for a long time. I tried various anti-depressants and hated the side effects that I always seemed to get so I decided to tough it out. Yeah, now and again I get really down but I've learned to manage it. I allow myself some "cry, bitch and moan" time and then I have to get on with the adventure I call life.

* Since my stroke I've become more active in my community and have a long credential of volunteer work in various areas from my church and my children's schools and their many other activities while they were growing up to political campaigns. I like being busy and being involved and it's good therapy.

* On Mother's Day 1987 -- nine years after my stroke and two weeks after my fortieth birthday, I walked across the stage in cap and gown and received my Bachelor of Arts degree in English and Spanish and finally finished a project begun in 1965! I attended school full-time and even had a part-time work-study job while taking care my family and still made the Dean's list every semester. I loved every minute of it! The night before I danced the night away (with great trepidation) with the kids at the graduation ball. My then husband laughed when my classmates asked me to dance but not as hard as he did when the guys from the golf team took me out for a beer after our Art History final for helping them get through the class. I think I liked college better the second time around -- I might have been older but I still seemed to fit in pretty well.

That's about it for this week!!!! Next week I'll jump ahead to another challenge for me. This one, in some ways, has been the most difficult recovery of all. Sigh.

Happy Blogging!!!!!!

Kay