Mid-Life Changes (1)

[This is the beginning of another two-part (I hope) bridge segment. The second part will appear next week. (I hope)]

After graduating from college, I went job-hunting and found that, despite acquiring a B.A., if one is age forty and have rather large gap in your employment history, people want to know what you've been doing. Raising children is not a good answer; neither is doing volunteer work despite career advice to the contrary.

I had originally considered teaching but after a few weeks of student teaching at a local high school, that, as much as I like kids, it wasn't for me. One day I went home and shouted at the Dynamic Duo, "If you ever speak to a teacher the way I was spoken to today, don't bother to come home because you will be history!"

Before graduation my beloved advisor walked in the classroom one morning and dropped a big, thick envelope on my desk and said, “You have to apply for this. I can get it for you.” Fortunately, after class was over I didn't have another. I headed to the library to do my work-study job checking books in and out and instead of reviewing my notes for World Lit, I opened the envelope Uncle Paddy, as we called him, had given me and started reading. It was a dream come true: a graduate assistantship at a major university with one of the best Romance languages departments in the country. The generous aid package included room, board, tuition. fees, books, and a $5,000 a year stipend and the real prize: a Master's in Spanish. I was astounded. This was the sort of thing that, if I completed it successfully, would lead to an excellent fellowship for a Ph.D. Then I thought again and began to cry.

I recovered myself quickly because I didn't want my boss, who is still a great friend, to see me upset and I still had a couple classes until I could stop by Uncle Paddy's office. When I finally got to his office, I dropped the envelope on his desk and sat down and said, “As much as I would love to take this, I simply can't – my husband and kids wouldn't appreciate mommy going away to school.” He expressed his disappointment and asked what I was going to do. My answer? “Try to get a job, I guess.” And I cried.

That night at dinner I told hubby and the Dynamic Duo about the grad school offer and was met with stares and silence, which my son broke by asking, “Are you going to take it, Mom?” I answered, “No, I'd miss you guys too much.” He and his sister grinned. It was the right decision for my children but not the right decision for me and since I elected to be a mother, I'd damned well better finish the job. We mothers postpone our dreams indefinitely.

As I mentioned earlier, I wound up doing outside sales and customer service for a communications company in Cleveland that I sort of liked but I was offered what appeared to be a better offer in retail management with potential for upper management. It was a season in hell with long hours and again, my husband told me to come home and do what I did best -- be his wife and the kids' Mom.

So I did knowing full well that it probably wasn't the best idea, as I knew my marriage was falling apart but I was too tired and frustrated to argue. I immersed myself in being Mom again -- the kids' activities and volunteer work kept me busy and we got our first computer courtesy of my husband's position as a computer tech for a large corporation here.

I wasn't overly thrilled about the Internet at first until I discovered a couple interesting groups and started making friends so I had something to keep me from getting bored and I truly enjoyed researching things in this new world.

My back started acting up and it got so bad that I was passing out from the pain. After much wrangling and arguing with doctors here, I found THE BEST BACK SURGEON IN THE WORLD at University Hospital in Cleveland via my friend, Mary Jo, and had microsurgery on two herniated discs a few months later. It was a miracle – I was on my feet mere hours after surgery and actually felt better than I had in nearly a year!

He sent me home to bed for a couple weeks after only three days in the hospital and again, I recovered well and was back to my hectic schedule with yet another exercise program to strengthen my back.

Next week, I’ll wrap this section up and move into the third – and I hope final – life-altering event and hopefully get to me being me forevermore in the next month or so.

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!

Kay