Mid-life Changes (3)

This period was difficult but rather quiet. I worried a lot because we had no health insurance. The drama continued with work issues. Hubby couldn't find a job in his field and wound up doing factory work and he became angrier and angrier and more difficult to live with as he tended to take his anger out on me. I kept taking jobs that I hated and was overqualified for because I was either "over-qualified" (old) or "didn't have enough experience" (I was a stay at home mom for too many years). I spent a lot of time out of work and I was so depressed I was pretty much immobilized . If it weren't for a couple of friends, I swear I would have given up completely.


The kids were doing great in college. Both were leaders on their respective campuses and were doing well with their studies and sports. Hubby wound up working in a local steel mill and while he hated it, it paid well enough that we could pay our bills and things settled a bit. I was determined to try to make things work but I really wasn't happy.


Still, the next few years, while not great, brought a some good times with the Dynamic Duo as I traveled to their colleges a lot and enjoyed their triumphs and successes. Eric just kept getting better as an athlete and I had the delight of watching him as he qualified for nationals where he won his first All-American plaques. Kate found her niche in swimming as a distance freestyler her freshman year and won all-conference honors. The next year things started changing. My husband got laid off and again, we were on a downward slide. I put myself in counseling at a local mental health center and finally got a counselor that I liked,

Kate got mono and had to drop out of school and rest for a few months. Eric was no problem; he just worked harder and had decided that he wanted a career coaching swimming and set about getting the necessary certifications to coach on a professional level while he finished his degree, swimming (and collecting more All-American plaques) and spent his summers coaching at country clubs. When he graduated he accepted a coaching position in Illinois and moved out there and began making his mark in the world of competitive swimming. Kate took a part-time job and after awhile informed me that she wasn't going back to school. She said she was wasting her money because she really didn't know what she wanted to be when she grew up; she had done her research and decided that she was going to enlist in the Navy. I was a bit disappointed because she really was so brilliant. A good friend whose husband was career Navy told me, "The Navy is a great place to decide what you want to be when you grow up -- and if it takes twenty years to do it, your country will thank you and give you a pension." That made me feel better.

My husband was more and more depressed and angry and as usual, I was the target of his anger. I was just a wreck and spent half my life in tears worrying and the other half drinking because the isolated incidents of violence that had punctuated our marriage were becoming frequent and my friends kept telling me that I needed to leave. I was at a loss. I had no money, no job and no prospects. I was fifty-one years old and so depressed that I could barely think. What was I going to do?

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!

Kay